When it comes to teens, prom is among their best high school memory experiences. This unique dance has turned to a traditional event to secondary education, but the fact about the event is that it can turn out to be a bittersweet to some of the attendees. For some of them this anticipated night is a sweet unforgettable memory while the unfortunate ones is something they would rather forget than live with the nightmares taunting them. This ultimate school dance is normally very symbolic due to the fact that it is an opportunity for these kids to say goodbye to their time they spent at high school and move to the next step of their life. This was the same case that happened to Virginia Clare Ettinger who had hoped of having an unforgettable night with a boyfriend and schoolmates. But that didn’t happen as her night turned into tearful, unforgettable disaster that left her with no idea of what she had done wrong.
Just like any other high school students, Clare Ettinger and her boyfriend James Thompson, had many expectations prior to their homeschool prom. These 17 years old high school seniors from Richmond, Virginia were so excited about what they had envisioned to be a carefree night of fun with their friends.
At last the day that was highly anticipated finale come, the young lovers were dressed to their best and you could tell that they were so excited. In their minds they knew that this might be their last opportunity ever of being with their peers before they all went in their separate ways, but they never would have predicted that the night would end in a disaster.
Normally prom nights have themes and this in particular had one “Twilight in Paris” and Clare and James had made sure that they had their tickets several weeks prior to the event. Just like all the attendees, Clare and James had already planned to dress up for this special event.
Clare never could have predicted what was in for her by the end of the prom night, where she will find herself in a situation that would enrage her and spur a raging debate. During an interview Clare stated that, “The entire situation made me feel violated, walked over and ostracized.”
Just like any other teen girls at that particular age, Clare Ettinger was busy finding out the perfect dress that will make her rock during the porm event. During her entire search, she had kept a single rule in her head that the prom’s dress code had specified and that was all ladies had to keep their dresses fingertip length or longer.
During her busy search, Clare visited over six different stores, where she made sure that she looked through their entire selections, but she just couldn’t find the perfect dress. Just when she was about to quit and go, that is when she came across something that was speaking to her.
Clare’s heart started pounding so fast as her eye gazed when she came across a shining, silver dress at the Macy’s store. She was sure that the dress was perfect for the long waited event for the ultimate school dance. Looking at the dress she was completely sure that it was gorgeous as matched with the dance’s Parisian theme.
Despite the fact that she could see the sparky, metallic dress how it would make her appear in her prom photos, she knew that it had to pass some tests before paying for it with her hard earned money that she had been saving from her part time job.
While she hoped that it will just entirely fit on her as it had appeared while on display, Clare removed the dress from the rack and then tried it on. She knew that it had to be above the fingertip in order to meet the Parisian theme. So she made sure that the bottom hemline measured at or under her fingertips.
Just like a good little homeschooler, she made sure that the dress was exactly fingertip length when she tried it on. But she never could have anticipated what would happen later on.
She was so excited when she tried the dress on and it went all the way down to a length that would meet the requirement as per the prom dress code. The high school senior was overwhelming and ran to the cash register and made payment.
Haas she was satisfied with the dress, she then paid for the dress. It seemed as if everything was falling into their right places just like she had imagined. During the entire time she had not imagined that her evening fairytale would ultimately be ruined.
Days prior to the prom, Clare and her friends were so excited that they couldn’t contain their excitement. These teens shared photos among each other of their prom attire as they were counting down hours to the special event.
Clare had that feeling like as if she was had a million dollars in her glitzy outfit, she shared one photo on social media saying that she was channeling her inner Marilyn Monroe, but what she didn’t know is that it wasn’t going to be just red carpets and dances during the Twilight in Paris.
Clare still had little concerns about her dress, so she had to try it out once more in order to make sure that the dress fits her perfectly. Each time she tried it she felt an amazing strength deep within and was so excited about the prom. Each time she did put her arms to her sides to make sure that the dress was indeed long enough to meet the event theme code requirements.
Being a teenager, and particularly in a high school senior, Clare Ettinger never had a reason to get dressed up but this time she heard one and she was extremely excited to wait for her family, friends and boyfriend to see how beautiful she would look while in it. The fact is that none of them were prepared for what was about to happen.
On May 10, 2014, finally the prom night arrived. Clare got ready as she did her hair as well as makeup, and applied replete with bright red lipstick to her lips. She was so excited since this was a rare occasion for this teen girls to be with their peers in a common high school get together.
She put on her high heels, then she did the final fingertip test just to make sure that the dress really met the requirements. Despite the fact that the measurements were somehow close, she was perfectly sure that everything was just fine and she was ready to go for the big day.
High school proms have become classic traditions and to many teens it is among the events that they spectate for quite too long during their entire time in school. But when it came to Clare it had a special twist to it that turned the event to so unique to her.
As she was homeschooled, this meant to Clare the event was so important to her, due to the fact that her daily schedule was not defined by the peers that would be around her when she was in class and breaks at a normal high school, and that meant being in such surroundings would be so exhilarating.
James was Clare’s handsome boyfriend as well as a prom date. James picked Clare up and she was astonished by the beautiful appearance of Clare. James was also looking fabulous as she was in a tuxedo, they exchanged corsages as well as boutonnieres and too several photos.
The truth is that; Clare was feeling so sexy. She knew that she had a unique figure adding her glimmering dress on top it, had made her look so attractive. As these love birds made their way to the prom venue, they had not predicted what was about to happen when they get there.
Just prepared to make it to the entrance, the love birds appeared from the Methodist Church that was responsible for hosting the school dance and then headed to the foyer full of excitement, and that is when they were suddenly stopped.
That is when their spirits were finally sobered as Clare was confronted even before she had a chance to see what the dance flow looked like on the inside. The teen couples could not believe wat was happening to them on this long a waited night that was supposed to be memorable.
James and Clare were not given a chance to even step through the foyer of the prom venue that they had anticipated for quite long, as they were intercepted by the dance planer, Ann Duncan and they were they were told that weren’t allowed to enter due to Clare’s dress.
“Honey that dress seems to be too short,” Clare recalls that the organizer had told her so. Clare was left stunned with the confrontation but she then quickly gathered he strength and gave her response that attracted every one’s attention who had heard Clare’s responsible.
Clare was so sure that her dress met the theme requirements as par the Richmond homeschool prom’s code. She had doubled checked or even tripled checked her dress before she paid for it, and she was not willing to take no for the answer.
She was not ready after all the preparation and everything she went through, she and James had put everything in the prom that they were just going to be turned off. Therefore, Clare stood up and was ready for a fight, but she asked her to reiterate the dress code.
Just like Clare had predicted, he prom organizer stated the dress code where t specified that the bottom hem of any girl’s dress had to be at or below the fingertips. Just standing firm, Clare told the organizer that her dress did perfectly meet the criterion.
She was 5’9” tall and Clare explained to her that she was simply tall and a lot more developed as compared to other girl and that might make appear as such at the initial glance. She then demonstrated the test for the organizer to see without any idea what to expect.
Clare showed the organizer that her dress was in fact matching with the theme criterion. She told the organizer that she just has long legs that everything looks short on her, but it was fingertip length just as she had demonstrated to her. Eventually, Mrs. Duncan decided to let her go but with a warning and begrudgingly let her through the foyer, telling her to make sure that her dress is always pulled down.
Clare Ettinger was a bit flustered by the confrontation but she made up her mind that she wouldn’t let go of what had ruined her night. As soon as Clare and her group of friends were inside the prom venue, though she had noticed something that she couldn’t believe it was true.
As Clare Ettinger and her soulmate, James and their group of friends moved towards the ballroom at the Richmond homeschool prom, she laughed at herself when she realized that most of the girls had worn shorter dresses as compared to hers.
Clare was still a bit frustrated but she then she saw that other girls were wearing even shorter dresses than her own, so perhaps their dresses weren’t as noticeable as hers. But she didn’t want to let the dress controversy take control of her evening and she was extremely happy to have all the drama behind her,
After a few songs upon the dance floor, Clare had an odd feeling the someone was watching her, and she was not the only one who had such an idea. Her entire group agreed that it felt like as if there was something unusual that made the mood feel somehow awkward.
It appeared that a lot of students were not dancing but were just standing around. Clare and her mates also felt that there were more chaperones as compared to the number of students, and it seemed there were a large number of male chaperones watching from the balcony above the balcony.
Clare and mates just felt that it was not right to have a lot of lingering eyes upon them and she said that she felt being violated and a bit grossed out by the number of male guardians who were keeping a watch of the young party goers and closely watching their every dance moves.
Clare tried to shake off her uncomfortable feeling and let herself enjoy the party. Clare and her friends tried hard to enjoy themselves and let their awkward feeling go, but just within minutes, the prom organizer Mrs. Duncan was heading toward them once again.
Clare Ettinger were enjoying and dancing and talking among themselves when they saw Mrs. Duncan rushing towards them and summoned Clare off from the dance flow. the prom organizer was accompanied by another woman and took Clare into a hallway corner, where she told her something that would make Clare’s blood boil.
The prom chaperones went on to inform the high school senior that some of the fathers who were chaperoning the event had her dance movies were provocative. Besides they had complained that her dance moves as well as her dress could lead the young men at the event to have negative thoughts. Clare was hit by a shock as she couldn’t believe what she was hearing.
Clare was appalled at what Mrs. Duncan was telling her. The night had already had a rough start but now Clare was enraged that it seemed she was being sexualized and held responsible for the thoughts and impulses of adults. To her, the incident brought to mind issues of victim blaming.
Clare had started the night with a hope that she was she was going to enjoy and have sweet memories of the event. It never crossed her mind that she will have to worry about having to bear the responsibility of what the adult men were thinking about what they referred to as being inappropriate. Things were just starting.
Prom standards when it came to Clare’s parents were far more protective. A lot of mothers from the past generation can remember that they had to be subjective to an awkward test that they had to pass before they were allowed in. Their teacher had to measure the length of the dress using a yard stick.
It is not surprising for a prom to have a standard size for the dress. Clare made sure that she obeyed that and she was so careful that she made sure that she met the rules that were stipulated upon the prom’s invitation. But more were yet to come and things would soon get out of control.
Just for another, time Clare tried to reason everything through with Mrs. Duncan. She told her she wasn’t really dancing especially not in a provocative manner. She again showed the two women that her dress met the requirements, but the chaperones were adamant.
Clare had no idea why among the entire group was the only one who was picked while other prom attendees had shorter dresses and had been on the dance flow dancing in a more mature way. At that moment her friends and boyfriend interrupted the conversation but they were astonished about the response they were getting.
Clare’s friend did their best to vouch for Clare and respectively demanded the chaperones to offer them explanation about the entire situation. To their surprise the chaperone told Clare friends that they weren’t needed in the conversation and added that if Clare will not leave the venue voluntarily then they had no choice but to kick her out.
The prone organizer refused to reason with Clare or change their decision. This left Clare heart broken, and James was not ready to see his girlfriend humiliated. James told the organizer that if Clare had to leave then their entire group that driven together will also leave and demand to be refunded.
James rushed to defend his girlfriend while she was humiliated, and he was somehow able to keep things under control. James added that his refund request was reasonable as the entire group arrived together.
But he met with a bad response as he was told that the conversation didn’t concern him and he has to back off. Mrs. Duncan has seen both two walk in together and she exactly knew that James was Clare’s boyfriend, and whatever had to do with Clare was James ‘ business.
Clare made her last attempt to reason with Mrs. Duncan, as she was the main obstacle there, but may be if there was a way that she could go over her head, that is when she and her friends could stay at prom and enjoy themselves like anybody else.
Clare demanded to speak to the lady who was in charge of the event. But Mrs. Duncan was so determined and she denied Clare’s request, saying that she was right and there was no need for her to see the lady in charge. Was there anyone or something else she could do to spare her from such an embarrassment.
As Clare and her friends were gathering their belongings getting ready to be escorted from the premises, Clare turned to the security guard who was to escort them off.
She was emotionally broken as she was pushed to the corner and forced to defend herself without being given a chance of seeing the lady in charge of the event. Clare asked the security guard about his opinion about the whole situation. To her surprise, the security guard replied that he saw nothing odd about Clare’s dress. But he added that he was just there to do his job.
The discussion led to increasing tension and it was clear that Mrs. Duncan was no going to lay back. Suddenly, Mrs. Duncan made it clear that she was not going to debate the issue further. That is the time she called over the security guard and ordered him to escort Clare out along with her five friends.
Clare was so embarrassed and did not think that what happened was just, she was already in tears, and she was so angry that she was the only one who had just received a refund from her prom ticket while her friends had not been refunded. Clare didn’t want to let such kind of humiliation just pass like that. She wasn’t lady to lay down.
Despite the fact that Clare and her friends hadn’t done anything wrong but they were robbed from the fun night they were supposed to have had, and Clare was so determined not to let that pass without a fight. Clare was 100% sure that she followed all the rules and was determined to get the word out about what she had seen as mistreatment and injustice and a backward way of reasoning.
Not willing to calm down, Clare took the fight to the internet to spread out her voice and her unfortunate humiliation that she had faced at the prom night event that left her so angry and feeling humiliated. But she never expected the reaction that she received.
Clare decided that she was going to use her sister’s blog to spread the word out and let many people know about what had happened, especially at that special day in her age. She took her time and wrote her heart out about the double standard that she had to go through, and how the thoughts of the adults had to hold her responsible for what they thought.
She admitted that may be because she was taller and seemed to be more developed as compared to the other girls that she was singles out. But still she didn’t think that she had done anything wrong. In fact, she thought things would have been the other way around, and it was the thoughts of those who thought she had a problem that needed to change. And the internet users had something to say back to her.
Clare couldn’t have expected how things would turn out, but her post about her prom dress disaster went viral and spurred a massive wave of supporters who were also so mad about what had happened. They admitted that a teenage girl shouldn’t be ashamed just for the sake of adult men’s comfort.
Clare was so surprised about the positive reaction she received from the web, but she hoped for a response from the homeschool prom’s administration. That being said, she never could have predicted what the Richmond Homeschool Prom’s Facebook page would ultimately do.
It was clear that the administrators that managed the Richmond homeschool prom’s Facebook page decided to delete the dissenting comments that they had received as a result of Clare’s account. But eventually the situation got out of control and the entire page was eventually deleted.
Clare never received any written response from the prom organizers that she intended to get, but her story didn’t just end there. Out there, there was still a person who didn’t not agree with Clare’s account of what had happened to her at the prom night.
A local news channel caught up with Clare’s story and planned for an interview with both parties involved. Clare’s family defended her story, even though she never spoke to the news crew as she was just a minor at the time.
But when the organizer, Mrs. Duncan was interview about the saga, she just stood by her story. She claimed that Clare’s dress code was above the fingertip throughout the night and she discredited the claims that the dads were specifically looking at her as there were over 500 kids at the venue. But there were still other account of the night.
Clare’s prom night disaster had gone viral in Virginia town, and mostly among the homeschool community. There was another Richmond homeschool prom attendee by the name of Callie Hobbs that said that it is true that Clare was really dancing suggestively but she wasn’t different from other attendees.
Callie acknowledged that it was right to kick someone out of the prom if the organizer thought that she was breaking the rules, but it was only fair only if the rules were fairly enforced among everyone. After everything had been said and accomplished, Clare still didn’t think that her work was done.
Responding to the debate that was going on about the prom, Clare and James decided to create a video in which they were speaking out about the society attitudes towards gender and sexuality. The young couples were seeking to highlight the point that the that someone dresses or dances has nothing to do with the level of respect that they should be given.
Although Clare was thinking that she was unfortunate to go through such an embarrassment, but she hoped her story will help in the discussion regarding body shaming as well as sexual harassment. Besides, she also hopes that her story will further show how certain mindsets can lead to problems.
Clare needs the world to look further on the injustice treatment that she was exposed to, and to observe what were the intentions behind the scenes. In her mind, the event carries a far deeper, systemic issue of gender bias.
The situation implies that she is responsible of what men think about women, as though they are not able to control their own functions and throw all the blame upon her. There was nothing done to the men nor did they apologize for embarrassing her. And that is not all what happened.
Until today the organizers of the Richmond Homeschool Prom have never commented on the subject matter and explain what really happened to Clare Ettinger. Apart from Mrs. Duncan brief interview, no any other faculty have ever gone public to explain to why Clare had received such a humiliation.
Clare’s friends never received any refund for their prom tickets. To make matters worse, Clare has never received any written apology for the unforgettable humiliation that they caused her, a memory that will torment her for the rest of her life. But she was able to receive something that she never expected.
Clare and James were surprised by the love, solidarity, and support that they received. They had never expected to receive such a massive reaction from the internet. It was something they needed as it encouraged them to keep fighting and moving forward to push their story.
In the video that she and James created and uploaded, after their story had gone public, in her opinion she sees these story as being a way forward in helping young women who are subjected in their entire upbringing to oppressive thoughts and expectations of how women should be seen and act,
Despite the fact that Clare was escorted out of the pro venue for what the organizer had referred to as wearing too short dress, there is another girl that had faced an entire different situation due to her dress, and her situation had nothing to do with her dress length.
Utah teenage Keziah Daum had her red dress for the prom which she had purchased it at the vintage shop, without having an idea that it was a traditional Chinese dress. The internet had gone viral criticizing her of cultural appropriation. Not only that, there is something else that happened yet to another girl and it had nothing to do with her dress length either.
Mireya Briceno’s school expressly prohibited girls from wearing any dress or anything that exposes their midriff. Putting into consideration of such a rule, she had found a beautiful polka-dotted dress that accented her curves while still maintaining the school regulations. But she came to an understanding that wasn’t enough.
Just an hour after she arrived to her prom, Briceno was escorted out of the venue and set back home. Despite the fact that the dress exposed her back, it never exposed her midriff, but the organizer referred it as being inappropriate. This was yet another example of women being traumatized for their body as well as femininity.